How Busy Leaders Make Time to Be Good Parents
Whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed by the many priorities I’m juggling, I remind myself of a great quote from John Trainer, which is, “Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.” It’s a good level-set for me in my thinking.
I’m a firm believer in quality over quantity, and intentionality is the key. A small amount of undivided attention pays massive dividends, in my experience (and I don’t mean driving them to an activity or watching TV together). Numerous studies prove that recurring quality time (even in small increments) with kids leads to fewer behavioral issues, improved mental and emotional health, and improved physical health. Kids who spend quality time with their parents are also less likely to participate in risky behavior such as drug and alcohol usage.
In my world, I find that my daughters LOVE undivided attention, and it doesn’t take hours to fill their cups. For example, sometimes I watch them color or draw a picture, and they are beaming with light to be able to look up at me and say, “Look!” Sometimes, we’re just telling riddles or jokes, and they are fully engaged. Other times, it’s pushing the swing or playing a board game. These 15–20 minute increments that force me to slow down suddenly create better listeners, fewer sibling arguments, and very clearly bring everyone a dose of joy.
We all live in a world with many deadlines and incessant demands for our time and attention. That inevitably makes us feel rushed, and we may feel that we can’t spare the time to be “fully present” with our children. Here are 5 strategies to create more space in our lives to give our children more quality attention.
Fill your cup first.
It is imperative to pour from a filled cup. Designate time each day for YOU. It is an absolute must-do, whether that is time invested at the gym, reading, writing, meditating, or some other activity that helps you feel refueled. I read for 15–20 minutes per day and make sure that I get at least 30 minutes of exercise daily — this helps me feel more productive and fulfilled and gives me the patience to sit still and be present when it’s time to pour into my kids.
Protect your time.
Protecting your time might mean dropping a few plates. It could also mean you have hard stops for your daytime meetings or that people can’t just pop into your office or send you direct messages interrupting your day. You must protect your time so that you can give it to the people and things that need you the most.
Do the thing you dread most first.
Your willpower tank gets depleted as the day progresses. Ensure you are doing the things that require the most mental energy earliest in the day. For some of us, we have to work out in the morning. I block off the morning for reading, connecting with my wife, and working on personal projects before I jump into an afternoon of calls and meetings where everyone else needs something.
Have a daily plan.
Having a plan might seem somewhat repetitive from the above comments, but this takes it a step further. Block your day by task, and make sure you have a block to give undivided attention to your family. I know — that seems very rigid, and it might be, but it pays massive dividends, in my experience.
Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Give yourself permission to drop the ball sometimes. You’re still human. You won’t execute perfectly. But don’t let perfect get in the way of good. As long as you plan ahead and begin working to protect your time so that the people who matter most get the best of you, your life will be more fulfilling across the board. Don’t feel guilty if you get stuck in a fire drill sometimes that throws you off your schedule for the day. Pick up the next day and start again.
An example of a typical day during the work week for me is below. I usually leave enough variability to allow for some fluidity — many days are bound to serve up a surprise or two, and I never want to be so rigid I can’t adapt. I also now work from home, so I’ve eliminated the daily commute time.
7–8 AM — Help get the kids ready for school — I typically manage drop-offs.
8:15–8:45 AM Coffee/Connection with my wife — catch up on the day ahead before things get hectic.
8:45–9:00 AM — I designate for daily reading.
9:00–10:00 AM — Maker time — I usually reserve this time for personal projects and meeting preparation.
10:00–2:00 PM — Calls/Meetings — I touch all parts of the business — sales, marketing, ops, and finance. Lately, I’ve been taking fewer Zoom meetings and more phone calls so I can walk during those calls.
2:00–3:00 — Break to handle any household business (we bought an old house, so there’s always a project to manage).
3:00–5:00 PM — Reserved for miscellaneous calls and meetings.
5: — 6:00 PM — I like to reserve for workouts — even if only for 20 minutes.
6:00–8:00 PM — Dinner with my family, connect with the kids and their bedtime routine.
Around 11 PM — Bedtime for me.
References:
Anderson, S.E et al. “Quality of early maternal-child relationship and risk of adolescent obesity.”
Pediatrics, Jan 2012, 129(1): 132–40, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22201144.
